


A Knight's Solemn Duty

by Cerillen



Series: Chronicles of an Anxious Protector [12]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: But it's too late to turn back now, Gen, I'm about to do something terrible, No regerts, Protective Anxiety | Virgil Sanders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-28
Updated: 2018-06-29
Packaged: 2019-05-30 02:48:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15087347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cerillen/pseuds/Cerillen
Summary: For Thomas, Virgil would do anything.Even though Thomas wishes he wouldn't.





	1. Chapter 1

It finally happened.

After so many years of close calls and miraculous moments, it finally happened.

Thomas ended up in danger.

And Virgil didn't make it in time to help.

It had been a simple series of events that caused things to reach the point they reached.

Virgil had been exhausted that day.

It had been a stressful couple of weeks and he'd been spending almost all of his time carefully maintaining and moderating Thomas' anxiety.

He'd spent hours and hours within the Nightmare Plane, loosening and snapping threads with music and by hand, keeping a tight control on the shadows whenever they came out.

By the time the two weeks ended and Thomas could finally relax again, Virgil was too tired to keep on eye on everything.

So the others promised to do it for him.

And he'd decided to trust them with that task.

He'd been worried, of course, but he believed that the others could manage to keep an eye on Thomas for at least a day.

And they had.

For the most part.

It had been a simple mistake.

Just a moment of distraction.

Thomas had run out of some things in the kitchen, so he'd decided to go to the supermarket.

And, as he'd gotten into the car and prepared to start driving, everyone had gotten distracted by planning that night's dinner.

They had only looked away from the host for a moment.

Just a few seconds.

But, by the time they looked back, the damage had already been done.

* * *

Virgil snapped awake to the sound of screaming in the Mindscape and the sharp feeling of Thomas' fear stabbing through his chest.

He only took a second to notice that the Nightmare Plane had grown abnormally dark and still before he sunk into the Mindscape's common area.

When he got there, he was met with a horrible scene.

Patton was on his knees and sobbing, Roman was rambling incoherently, Deceit was clinging to Patton's arm and shaking like a leaf, Logan had a hand clamped painfully tight over his mouth, and all of them were staring with wide and terrified eyes at the TV.

Where there was an image of Thomas, trembling and coughing.

While he held onto the large piece of metal sticking out of his stomach.

Virgil sank out immediately and rose into the real world at his host's side.

_**"THOMAS!"** _

His voice distorted and warbled on it's own as he fell to the other's side.

"Virgil..."

Thomas voice was weak and his eyes filled with tears as soon as he saw him.

The anxious side quickly grabbed one of his hands in his own and started looking for some way to fix the problem.

There **had** to be something.

A way to disconnect the metal from whatever it was attached to and quickly take Thomas to a hospital. 

A way to stop the bleeding long enough for help to arrive.

A way to take out the metal without only making things worse.

Something.

**Anything.**

There had to be **SOMETHING!**

"Virgil..."

But there wasn't.

There was no fixing this.

There was nothing he could do.

_**"Thomas..."** _

Thomas' eyes were filled with tears and he clung to Virgil's hand like it was the only thing still keeping him alive.

Virgil could feel his own tears sliding down his cheeks and he carefully brought a hand up to cup his host's bloody cheek.

_**"I'm so sorry. I wasn't here. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Thomas."** _

His apologies were met with a trembling smile and he keened in a way he hadn't since the night he was first manifested.

"It's not...your fault."

Then Thomas gasped and coughed and Virgil sobbed and started to warble without meaning to.

Thomas' trembling smile seemed a little more genuine then, though his tears didn't stop.

"The...others...I need...the others...out."

And Virgil tensed and silenced as the others did as they were told and materialized around them, still in similar states as they'd been in when Virgil first found them.

Before any of them could say anything, Virgil shouted.

_**"NO!"** _

The others flinched, Patton and Roman even crying out, but Thomas just continued to smile.

Virgil could just barely hear sirens in the distance, but he knew they wouldn't reach them in time.

And the people around them just continued to panic as they watched the terrible scene playing out before them.

As they watched a Manifester die and leave their Sides behind.

Because that's what happened when people like Thomas died.

Without a Manifester there to give a Side purpose, one of two things would happen.

If the Side remained within the Manifester's mind, they would fade away with their host.

But, if the Side stayed in the real world while their host died, they would stay and transform into proper humans.

They'd lose all of the abilities that they'd had as Sides, but they would still be alive.

But their host wouldn't be.

"Virgil..."

_**"NO!"** _

Virgil's shout was more distressed warble than actual speech, but he didn't care.

His body shook violently and wisps of shadow lashed out around him in his distress, still carefully aiming away from everyone nearby.

_**"no..."** _

Thomas reached his hand out to him and Virgil **sobbed**.

Then Anxiety's cheek was held by a trembling hand and Thomas said something he hadn't actually meant to say.

"I don't...wanna go..."

The host hiccuped the words out and the knight tensed again.

And realized that he'd been wrong.

There was **one** way to fix this.

He'd heard of it before.

It didn't often work, but it was still a possibility.

It was a still a chance.

_**"Then you won't."** _

Virgil's words were clearer now, and held a new tone to them than before.

"Virgil..."

The anxious side leaned closer and pressed his forehead against Thomas'.

_**"I'll protect you."** _

Anxiety moved and pressed a gentle kiss to his host's head, the fingers of one hand threaded gently through his hair while the other gave the softest of squeezes to trembling fingers.

And then the roiling shadows were replaced by soft lavender light.

And Thomas gasped at the feeling of warmth and safety that enveloped him.

"virgil..."

And the mysterious side held him close as the pain from his wound, and the wound itself, faded away.

Then Thomas sobbed and pulled the other closer to him.

"Virgil!"

Knight warbled softly at him and Thomas' cries only increased as he watched his anxious protector slowly start to shift into pure light.

The others watched in shock as little fragments of glowing light started to float away from the darker side's disappearing body.

**"VIRGIL!"**

THEY leaned back and brought up two pieces of themselves to gently cradle The World's face.

Then, with a final soft warble, the figure of light transformed into millions of tiny white flowers that flew away with the breeze and filled the twilight sky like stars.

And Virgil was no more.


	2. Chapter 2

_When a Manifester was close to death, it was possible for a Side to give up their life to save them._

_This was accomplished by the Side allowing themselves to fade away while all of the magic that allowed them to exist was pushed back into the Host._

_This would then instigate abnormally fast body regeneration, allowing the Host to recover from even the most severe of injuries._

_The act could only be performed by a Side that truly believed they'd give **anything** to save their Host._

_It could only be done by the most **dedicated** of Sides._

_Of course, Virgil had been able to do it._

_He'd always prioritized Thomas over everything else._

_So, of course, he was able to give up his life for him._

_It was probably an easy decision, once it occurred to him._

_It was a perfectly logical solution._

A tear fell onto the book's pages, distorting the ink.

_Yes, perfectly logical._

Logan sniffled.

_But that doesn't make it **okay**._

Trembling hands came up to wipe at tear-filled eyes.

A bottom lip quivered as the Logical side took a few shaky breathes.

_**Nothing** about this is okay._

And a single sob filled the quiet library.

_Virgil is **gone**._

Stacks upon stacks of books echoed the sound back at him as his sobs filled the silence.

_And there's no way of bringing him back._

It had been almost three weeks.

Logan had been scouring every bit of knowledge he had, and any bit of knowledge he could find, involving Sides and Manifesters and how they both worked.

And, in all that time, he hadn't found **anything** talking about bringing a Side back after they faded.

 Or, at least, nothing that spoke of success.

_What am I supposed to do?_

He felt the phantom sensation of gentle hands on his shoulders and quickly rose to his feet, his chair falling harshly to the floor behind him.

A few stacks of books fell, but he ignored them as he sunk out of the library and back to his bedroom.

Soft words, that presented **perfectly logical** reasons to rest, echoed through his mind as he rushed to his bed and quickly pulled an elegantly carved wooden box out from under it.

He sobs only intensified in volume and frequency as he carefully opened the box and pulled out a soft blue and black blanket.

_Virgil..._

The blanket smelled like flowers and rain and warmth, and dust and metal and darkness.

And it felt like safety.

Logan whined and wrapped the blanket around himself with shaking fingers.

_I don't know what to do anymore._

The soft words he'd heard so many times before, rumbled through his mind like a physical presence.

And the phantom hands moved until they seemed to be wrapped gently around him.

He fell to his side and pulled the blanket tighter around himself, curling protectively around the box he'd pulled it out of.

_I don't know what to do..._


	3. Chapter 3

Quiet foot steps echoed through the halls.

_I need to learn to be quieter._

_I doubt I'll ever reach Virgil's level, but I need to at least get somewhere close._

The steps stopped for a few seconds at every door, before continuing down the dark hallway.

_Patton's either asleep or somewhere else._

_Deceit's snoring a little, so he's out for the night._

_Logan seems to be sniffling, but it's probably better to leave him alone._

_I doubt he'd want **me** there to comfort him._

_I don't even know **how**._

Then a soft sigh filled the silence and the lone figure in the hall leaned against the final door and slowly slid to the ground.

_I'm really not good at this, Virg._

_I hate to admit that, but it's true._

Roman pressed a little closer to the dark wooden door and wrapped his arms around himself.

_I don't know how to help the way you did._

_I'm not even that good at keeping watch._

He pressed his lips tightly together to keep them from trembling.

_You always made it look so **easy.**_

_Like it was the simplest thing in the world to just go around taking care of us and keeping us safe._

A flash of purple eyes filled his vision before he clenched his own shut with a whimper.

_But, I guess that's not entirely true._

_You always looked tired._

_Like you were constantly stressed and exhausted._

_And worried._

A broken huff of a laugh echoed down the hall.

_And it never really occurred to me to notice._

Roman hugged himself tighter.

_It was just so **easy** and natural to leave everything to you._

_To trust you and rely on you._

_But you always told us._

The creative side's hands shook as he raised them up to cover his face.

_You always told us to be careful and try to stay safe, even when you were nearby._

_And you always said that, one day, you might not be there to protect us anymore._

The first sob fell out of him, and it was like the dam finally broke.

_I never thought that this was what that meant._

_But, maybe **you** did._

_Maybe, you knew that something like this could happen one day._

_And you wanted us to be ready when it did._

_But, we're not._

Flashes of kind eyes and caring smiles filled his vision and he pushed himself harder into the locked door at his back.

_We're not ready._

_We **never** were._

His body shook, and every exhale came out as a violent sob.

_I'm just a **Prince** , Virgil._

_I'm not a Knight, like you._

Echoes of comforting words filled his ears and only made him cry harder.

_I can't **protect** them, like you did._

_I can't even figure out **how**._

"I'm sorry..."

_I can't do **anything**._

"I'm so sorry..."

_I just can't..._

 


	4. Chapter 4

_I hate you._

Deceit sat on his bed, sniffling softly as he glared at the overstuffed black snake resting against his pillow.

_You're the worst kind of person._

He hissed softly at the plush.

_You're supposed to be the villain, y'know._

The blanket around his shoulders was soft, but it wasn't as warm as he wanted it to be.

_It's not your job to save people._

He shivered.

_Even if it's Thomas._

His eyes softened a little and he sniffled again.

_But it's fine._

_We don't need you here._

_We never did._

The snake started to look a little blurry and Deceit hiccuped.

_I don't miss your cuddles._

_They weren't always warm and gentle and soft._

_They never made me feel safe._

Then the reptilian side growled and wrestled the heavy blanket off of his shoulders, throwing it to the other side of his room.

_I love that blanket._

_It's better than you._

He gasped for breath and looked back over to the snake.

_So is the snake._

_But, it's a little worse than the blanket._

_You didn't give me the snake._

Then he reached forward and held the plush close.

_It doesn't smell a little like you._

_But it's warm._

_It's the same._

The small snake's head slowly dampened and Deceit hiccuped a little more.

_I don't miss you._

_None of us do._

He fell to his side and curled tighter around the toy, shivering a little from the cold.

_I wish you would stay gone._

The phantom feeling of gentle hands petting his head makes his hiccups rougher, a little closer to sobs.

_I'm glad that you left in the first place._

The memory of a slow and steady heartbeat thrums through his mind and makes him whimper.

_It's warmer without you here._

He presses his face into the snake and holds it impossibly closer to his chest.

_It's so warm..._


	5. Chapter 5

_I’m not gonna lie, Virg._

_It hurts._

_It hurts a lot._

_It’s like something is just constantly making my heart ache._

_It’s kind of like when we have our sad sleepovers._

_But way **way**  worse._

Patton laughs a little at the memories that thought brings.

_It’s been three weeks, y’know._

_I haven’t seen any of the others since then, but I think they’re all mourning too._

The moral side’s smile turns a bit wry.

_If you were here, you’d probably have dragged us all out of our rooms for a movie marathon and cuddles by now._

_Then again, if you were here, we wouldn’t be like this in the first place._

He sighed and closed his eyes, allowing himself to focus on the feeling of the warm breeze flowing softly around him.

_You were always good at that kind of thing._

_Helping us deal with our emotions._

_You always knew when to push and when to step back._

_When to help and when we should help ourselves._

_When we should be alone and when we needed someone there._

Patton snorted.

_You were better at dealing with emotions than **I**  was._

_But, I guess that might be my fault._

He opened his eyes again and looked out at the huge green field he was sitting in.

_I probably relied on you a little too much._

_We all did, really._

_And now it’s difficult to figure out what we’re supposed to do without you._

_I never wanted to think about it before._

_But I should have._

_You even told me that I should._

_But I didn’t listen._

_And now it’s too late._

The lone side gave a slightly shaky sigh.

_Y’know, Virg._

_You were really good at your job._

_I know I said that a lot, but I hope you know how much I meant it every time._

_You always worked so **hard**  to keep us all safe._

_And now we have to take over and do it all without you._

_Now **we**  have to be Thomas’ protectors._

Patton laughed again.

_Those are some pretty big shoes to fill._

_And I doubt we’ll ever really manage to fill them completely._

_It’ll never be the same without you._

_But that doesn’t mean it has to be **bad**._

_Right?_

The moral side smiled, soft but genuine.

_I’m sure that, one day, you’ll be watching us from wherever you are now and you’ll be proud of how we’ve learned to live without you._

Silent tears filled Patton’s eyes and started to slide gently down his cheeks.

_Because I know you want us to be happy._

_I know that you just want us to learn to accept you being gone so that we can keep living life and keep being happy, like always._

_I know that, no matter how much it hurts, we need to keep going._

_Because that’s what you would want._

His laughter was a little more wobbly then, and so was his smile, but it was still completely genuine.

_But, don’t worry!_

_I promise I won’t just **pretend**  to be happy, like I used to._

_And I won’t let the others pretend either._

_Even if it takes a while, I’ll make sure that we can all smile properly again._

_Because it’s my job to make sure of that now._

_And, because, I know that’s what you’d want for us._

He reached up a hand and softly squeezed the worn sleeve of the old black checkered hoodie his best friend had given him, what felt like, so long ago.

_It’s what you **always**  wanted for us._

Then he stood, still smiling, and gently dusted the loose dirt and grass off his pants before wiping the tears away from his face.

_So don’t worry, okay?_

And he gave the hoodie sleeve one more soft squeeze, before turning back towards the house that would lead him to the others.

_We’ll be alright._

And smiled a little more at the phantom feeling of arms wrapping gently around his shoulders, the sound of rumbling laughter and kind words seeming to trail behind him with the wind.

_I promise._


	6. Chapter 6

It was quiet in the Nightmare Plane that day.

**_'I'll protect you.'_ **

But, admittedly, it had been quiet for a little over a month now.

_Of course._

From that one moment onward.

_I should've known you'd find a way to save me._

Through all moments after.

_You **always** find a way to save me._

It had been silent.

_Even if that means giving up your own life._

Until now.

_I love, and hate, that about you._

The pond's waterfall, which had lost its flow completely, slowly started to trickle back again.

_But, I guess I can't really say anything, can I?_

The wind, having not blown at all, started to travel gently through the clearing once more.

_Cus' when it comes down to it..._

Willow branches, once limp and still, started to sway with the breeze.

_I would've done the same thing._

And floating lavender lights, that had disappeared completely, let out the smallest of warbles.

The sound made Thomas flinch.

He stared at the lights and the tree, both looking as weak as he felt, and felt his lips tremble.

Then the willow reached out to him and he felt himself crumble.

Sobs filled the quiet air of the Nightmare Plane and were met with gentle warbles.

The touch of the willow tree, gently cradling and holding him close, and the warbles of the lights was familiar.

But not the same.

**_'I'll protect you.'_ **

Thomas sobbed harder and held the soft object in his arms closer.

_I know._

_I know you'll protect me._

_I always knew._

_Even before I properly met you._

_As soon as you showed up, I knew you'd always keep me safe._

He cried out, his voice sounding completely broken after weeks of screaming.

_I even thought that something like this would happen one day._

_I knew that a day might come when you'd give up yourself to protect me._

_I knew it might happen._

_I just didn't **want** it to._

_I **never** wanted something like this to happen._

His head ached and his eyes burned from constantly crying.

**_'I'll protect you.'_ **

He clamped his mouth shut and his cries were shifted into quiet hiccups and stuttering breathes.

_You'd be upset if you saw me like this._

_Maybe you **can** see me and your upset right now._

_I'm sorry._

_I know I should stop crying so much._

_I know that I need to get back to working and actually living life properly._

_But..._

_I don't know if I can._

Thomas pressed his face into the soft thing in his arms.

_It feels like I'm missing a part of myself._

_Which makes sense, since I **am**._

It smelled familiar.

**_'I'll protect you.'_ **

But it wasn't the same.

_You're not here anymore._

_You're not here to help me anymore_

_You're not here to keep me safe anymore._

_You're not here to **protect** me anymore._

_You're gone._

_And now I'm alone._

A sob escaped his trembling lips and Thomas pressed his face harder against the hoodie.

_Virgil..._

Old memories of a night when he'd been alone and scared and crying, filled his mind.

A warm body, with a steady heartbeat, holding him close.

Softly rumbled words and warbles.

Impossibly gentle hands combing through is hair and rubbing his back.

The smell of flowers and rain and warmth, and dust and metal and darkness.

And the feeling of safety.

_I don't wanna be alone..._

Then the gentle branches of the willow tree moved and shifted to set Thomas gently on the ground.

He raised his head from the hoodie he'd been holding, the soft warbles of the lights being replaced by a voice he hadn't heard in weeks.

"Thomas..."

His eyes were wide as he looked at the side in front of him.

Then his lips trembled and he swallowed.

"patton..."

The moral side smiled sadly at him and started to walk towards him, the black hoodie on his shoulders being gently blown behind him by the breeze.

When he was close enough, he sat down.

He reached a hand out, slow enough that Thomas could tell him to stop if he wanted, and placed it gently on the soft object in the host's arms.

"It's okay to miss him."

Thomas flinched, and Patton traced a finger over exaggerated stitching.

He chanced a glance upward and was met with wide and tear filled eyes.

"We all do."

Thomas shuddered and took a shaky breath. 

"I..."

And then the breathes were coming faster and Thomas was sobbing again and Patton felt his heart ache.

**"I DIDN'T WANT HIM TO GO!"**

Thomas' scream echoed through the clearing and Patton hoped that he was doing the right thing when he pulled the other close.

He continued to hope as he did something that could very well only make things worse.

Awkward and unsure warbles fell from his lips and steadied with his relief when Thomas only held him tighter in response.

And Thomas cried against the side trying to comfort him the way his Knight once had.

It wasn't the same.

But it was enough.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'M SO SORRY!!!!


End file.
